Get Sensitive to Your EI
““The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice.” ”
It takes time and focus to develop your presence; for some, it can be a lifelong journey of reading, training, practice, meditation, reflection, and more. And despite the investment, no change agent has it all figured out. There simply is no “right way” or “wrong way” to be. What matters most is an openness to the task and an interest in taking your personal effectiveness to the next level.
Many start building their presence by honing their ability to monitor the emotions in themselves and others, identify and label emotions appropriately, and use that information to guide their behavior. As this bundle of capabilities, known as Emotional Intelligence (or EI), has crossed over from academia to business and the general consciousness, more writers and social scientists have argued for its value and significance. Writer Daniel Goleman asserts that EI accounts for 67% of the abilities among outstanding leaders. Other advocates suggest that high emotional intelligence correlates with better mental health and job performance.
These claims seem intuitively correct, but there are plenty of doubters too. Cultivating my EI hasn’t magically allowed me to run faster or jump higher, but I have seen the benefits of EI in my own life. As I’ve learned to share my feelings and perceptions with intention, I’ve found it easier to build closer connections with others. As we’ll explore later, such deep relationships are essential for anyone hoping to lead change.
Goleman segments EI into four distinct and interrelated competencies: Self-awareness, social awareness, self-management, and relationship management. Recognizing and interpreting emotions in yourself is the basis of Emotional Intelligence. The emotional data continuously generated by our bodies is a rich and often overlooked source of information at our fingertips (and our sweat glands, and our muscles, and the palms of our hands, etc.). While this set of sensations and intuitions is an ever-present trove of valuable information, many people ignore or actively discount it, never learning to put names to the flood of feelings they experience every day.
Naming emotions seems simple, but for many people it’s uncharted terrain. One professional colleague of mine, a successful corporate manager in his 30s, admitted he didn’t know whether he experienced emotions at all. “Is ‘confused’ an emotion,?” he asked. And he’s not the only one who’s perplexed: Type “list of emotions” into a search engine and you’ll find hundreds of suggestions for anyone at a loss for how to label those nebulous sensations.
There is no simple and universally accepted taxonomy of emotions. Aristotle had a list, and so did Darwin. Psychologist Robert Plutchik wasn’t a famous ancient, but he did create a beautiful rainbow-colored wheel based on eight basic emotional states that’s worth considering just for its visual appeal.
Regardless of which set of labels you prefer, there is real value in paying attention to your emotions as they happen, naming the experience, and reflecting on the ways those feelings might affect you and others. This internal self-awareness allows you to manage yourself more capably – for example, to adapt to unexpected circumstances, stay positive, and remain focused on your objectives.
I’ve seen this in my own career. Although I have led large and small groups in my work for almost thirty years, I have long felt the same sensations before a meeting begins – my energy rises, my mouth gets dry, and I start to perspire. For a very long time, I suppressed my awareness of what was happening. Then I started to realize the pattern, and was able to name both the physical signals and the emotions (anxiety, fear, self-doubt) that seem to be attached. Finally, I performed a bit of emotional jiu-jitsu: I renamed my emotions as “excitement and anticipation,” which enabled me to harness this energy towards the work I had to do.
Your external self-awareness matters too. It’s helpful to reflect on how other people experience you, and how they experience themselves when you are present. Every person sees the world differently, which can open a rich diversity of ideas, feedback, and energy that you might otherwise overlook.
The meaning you make of this social data will help you manage your relationships more effectively, to inspire, influence, mentor, and manage conflict. Honing your emotional intelligence also allows you to present yourself as a model to teach and inspire others what is possible, to cultivate others’ leadership qualities, and to support their ambitions.
As you work to build your own presence, start by heightening your awareness to emotions in yourself and others, and make note of the tendencies and patterns you observe in yourself, in individuals, and in groups. For example, you might notice the feelings that are evoked when people align and distinguish themselves with one another, set themselves at the center or margins of a group, or are attracted to and repelled from one another. As you observe, stay mindful of the differences between data you’ve collected, your interpretations of that data, and the judgments you bring to bear.
Many people foster their presence by practicing simple habits of mindfulness, and seeing what emerges…but who has time for that? While reflection isn’t always easy to fit into a hectic day, a few short minutes can make a big difference. Charles Francis, author of Mindfulness Meditation Made Simple: Your Guide to Finding True Inner Peace recommends stopping and breathing to slow your mind and reset your emotional equilibrium. I’ve taken to using the Breathe app on my Apple Watch to slow my pace and re-center my emotions.
Francis also suggests “mindful walking,” a 5-minute stroll at a slow pace, with attention to the sensations your body experiences as you move. Others intentionally interrupt their flow with meditation, journaling, prayer, or physical exercise.
I know for myself that I can become so focused on the array of tasks and expectations in front of me that I fail to slow down and invest energy in my self-awareness. I can be as determinedly forward-moving as the next hamster on his hamster wheel.
But I have come to learn that my presence and intention are integral tools in my ability to influence others. To thrive, I have to attend to my emotions, spirit, mind, and body. Everything in my life affects everything in my life. For me to be effective, I have to be whole and fully present.
